This is my first post following the Old Friend From Far Away writing prompts that Megan has so generously shared on Freckled Italian. She mentioned that her blog doesn’t always feel like a place to write and she’d like to get back to that and I wholeheartedly agree. I’ve been struggling with the balance between writing and more “blogger” stuff for a long time. I love to write and consider myself a writer but I don’t write as much as I should and as much as I need to. I’m excited to challenge myself with these blog prompts to get some real writing posted here on Sundays.
What’s been on your mind? What have you carried and gnawed over?
Rolling around in my mind lately has been the struggle to become the teacher I want to become. It is a struggle that’s been with me since I came to the realization that I wanted to step into a classroom and teach. The thing about me is that when I really commit to something I have high ambitions. I can’t just be a teacher; I want to be the best.
But trying to become the best is stressing me out. I carry the pressure of wanting to do and be everything with me day and night. I feel that it’s important to be ambitious and push yourself but I’m starting to realize that I’m actually not doing that. I am being stressed instead and worrying about the small things. I’m not focusing on the big picture: helping my students build their minds with amazing experiences by the end of this year. Each day contributes to this but I have to make sure that I am moving forward instead of staying stagnant. The anxiety and pressure I put on myself is making me stand in the way of my success.
I want everything for my students. I want them to have everything I did when I was their age; I want to love being in the classroom, to make discoveries, to feel safe enough to make mistakes, to feel like they can do anything. I carry this with me all the time because I love them, even if that’s a weird thing for a teacher to say. I love them for being eight years old and spending their whole day with me and sharing their incredible budding talents with me. I think constantly about ways I can help them.
So lately on my mind has been all the ways I can become a great teacher, the kind of teacher you remember. But also there’s the thought I always carry with me: how can I give these great kids everything?