Happies and Crappies #2

 

 

I decided today to join in again with Stephanie and Sarah’s Happies and Crappies link-up. It’s kind of fun doing a link-up, like joining a party. Also I have a little time tonight to do what I want and relax before a weekend of running around and celebrating and I choose blogging!

Happies

* State testing is over! I feel like I can finally have some fun with my class because we’ve only done test prep since I’ve been with them. I came up with some exciting things to do so I hope I can re-energize them for the last 22 days (!!!) of the school year.

* Warm weather means after school shorts time! I love pulling out my shorts because it makes summer feel even closer.

* Watching the last episode of The Office last night. I guess this could be a “crappie” since it’s over but it was a really nice finale with a lot of laughter and tears, which sums up the whole series really.

Crappies

* Worrying about my job for next year. I think this one could go on any future Happies and Crappies list I make because it’s pretty much a constant. I am a maternity leave replacement and, while the principal has been positive, I will not be at ease until I have a tenure track position. I haven’t gotten any interviews with other districts lately but I know that the end of the year is a hectic time with state tests and retirements not yet finalized. I’m just trying to stay strong and believe that the right thing will happen.

* I’ve been feeling a little sick lately, just headaches and feeling really tired. I know I need to change something up in my diet but life’s been so hectic that I haven’t been able to make that a priority. Something has to change though if I’m going to feel good again.

* In addition to feeling under the weather, I’ve been a little down about my body. I think the advent of bikini season is making me really conscious of body image and I’m not happy with what I see. I’ve got to get my confidence back before Memorial Day weekend beach time!

Something New This Way Comes

Geraldine Hoff Doyle, was a 17 years (in 1942) while she was working at the American Broach & Machine Co. when a photographer snapped a pic of her on the job.That image used by J. Howard Miller for the “We Can Do It!” poster, released during World War II. 

In my blogging calendar, something I’ve been trying to stick to lately, I had thought about writing a post on my favorite accessory, the scarf. Not that blogging about scarves is a bad thing but I’ve been thinking a lot more about being authentic on my blog. I love scarves but some other things have been weighing on my mind lately. I want my readers, whoever you are, to get to know me and to maybe connect with you all on some level. At the same time, I want to get some thoughts out in the air, out of the confines of my mind, and I’m going to throw it out here on the internet, whether that’s good or bad.

Now I might have mentioned it here a few times in passing but next week I am going to assume the responsibilities of a third grade classroom while the current teacher goes out on maternity leave. I am a teacher and I taught kindergarten this fall (which is like elementary teacher boot camp) but I have to admit I am nervous in a way I didn’t think I would be. For the past four months, I’ve been subbing with tutoring in the afternoon. While being a sub is incredibly difficult, there’s none of the pressure of being a classroom teacher and I’m getting some butterflies as I think about being a full time classroom teacher again. A teacher’s day is not just come in and stand in front of the kids and magical learning takes place; it’s a mess of planning and photocopying and creative thinking and paper pushing and pretty much being the primary caregiver for twenty-four kids for six hours during the day.

But you’ve done it all before, you say. I have, I’ve taught my own class along with its own headaches and triumphs. But that was a completely different grade with its own expectations and curriculum or plan for learning. Imagine it this way: you work at a company and you do your job really well and then they decide to move you to another department that does essentially the same thing but with different goals, is way more advanced and with vastly different expectations. I think this is at the center of my heart palpitations; it’s a whole new ball game but one played on a completely different field. Throw in a whole new class of kids with names to learn and to make a connection with, I’m trying not to faint here.

What I’ve been trying to tell myself is that I believe in me. Whenever something new comes my way, whenever change is in the air, I try to remember that I know me. I am capable of so much more than I think and I am really good at being me. I know I am a good teacher; I’ve seen incredible progress in the learning lives of the students I’ve worked with. Some parents of my new class have reached out to me and said their children are excited to have me as their teacher because they know me as “the best substitute teacher.” Sorry for the little bit of bragging but I’m going to dig myself out of the trenches of self-doubt any way I know how.

Do something new and accepting change is always hard for me. Change has been a constant in my life lately but in a way that’s good. I know I can handle this new change and be the best teacher I can be. So if you too are experiencing change now or in the future, know this: you can do it.

 

*On an unrelated note: I hope that you will keep the runners and bystanders that were affected by the bombings at yesterday’s Boston Marathon. Please pray that our world can some day be a world of peace and love. 

My Thoughts: I Can’t Compare

Leave it to Pinterest to spark a little food for thought around here. You may have seen this thought starter because it’s been pinned like crazy and it goes a little something like this: “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” I instantly connected with that, not because of its snazzy font and vibrant graphics, but because I’m currently struggling with emotions that mirror it perfectly. Oh boy, my emotions have become pin-able.

I believe very much that I have a great life. Supportive and adorable boyfriend, sunny, clean, and cozy apartment, loving and caring family and friends, many kind co-workers who are slowly becoming friends; I can list these and more among as blessings in my life. But sometimes I ignore all that in favor of comparing my life to others, usually from being sucked into the myth of perfection online. I lament my lack of solid employment or despair over my large wardrobe that doesn’t seem to have anything cute or new enough to post on my blog. The biggest source of worry and envy comes from the idea that everyone seems to have it all together. Home buying and marriages, babies and raises: why does everyone seem to have these things when I am nowhere near that? I’m lucky to have a few bucks to my name and the ability to go hang at a beer garden this weekend. I’m a good teacher but I’m bouncing from job to job when I long for the security of  full time employment and the promise of health insurance and a 401k. I look at my measly blog, nearly three years old and still chugging along on a free platform, with barely a comment to be heard, and a tiny (but awesome!) readership and wonder why I haven’t tried harder and become more successful. The more I look at my shortcomings, the more I feel myself shrinking.

That wayward pin does a great job of snapping me out of it and building me back up into the calm, cool, and collected young lady I am. People may brag about their gorgeous new townhouse, change their profile picture weekly with a new wedding snapshot, and have stats that range in the thousands instead of the hundreds on their blog. But that’s their journey. I am me and my place is uniquely wonderful. I wonder if there is someone out there who is envious of me because I took that leap of faith to be unemployed and pursue my dream of becoming a teacher or wishes they picked up cute pieces that they can mix and match as well as I do. I am going my own way and things aren’t over until, well, whenever they’re over (death or whatever, right?). I still have the opportunity to have it all, whatever I deem that to be, but I have to remember that I can’t have it right when I want it. Hard work and patience are the name of the game when it comes to life. I can’t forget how good my little life is.

So thank you random Pinterest graphic maker for reminding me that “comparison is the thief of joy” (pretty sure that’s another one pinned like crazy). Instead of comparing my life to the online curated life of others, I hope to take joy in the messy, haphazard, awesome one I’ve created for myself, full of its ups and downs and upside downs. And if you’re feeling the same way I am and happen to read this, take comfort in knowing you’re not the only one who’s life seems far from perfect and be happy in that fact. Know too that Pinterest is the life coach for the cash-strapped lady and enjoy.

Six Word Memoirs, a.k.a I Miss Creative Writing

Life has not been the least bit interesting around here. I feel like there really is nothing to write about. Of course there have been and will be some exciting plans on the weekends and some fun weekday nights. But there is nothing new to report and thus I encountered a massive wall known as writer’s block.

As I started contemplating what the heck I could post up on this old blog, I thought about how I love to write. Then I thought, well, if I love to write, why is it so hard right now? I was starting at a blank WordPress page thinking what am I going to say when I decided to go all reverse teacher on myself and use the same words I say to my kids.

I always tell them to find something, anything, to write. Think about things you know, favorite memories, fantastic ideas you’ve had when you’re daydreaming in class. At the very least, find one simple word in a paragraph long writing prompt that you can connect to and make you feel like you. So seriously, there had to be something I could write.

Here it is: I’ve been thinking, dreaming really, about writing about all sorts of crazy and interesting things, fiction or non-fiction, that I like. Through elementary, middle, and high school, you got these writing prompts that would help you write fictional stories and essays. Some were cool and engaging, others not so much. One such prompt I used recently with a class was to dream up your own restaurant. Can you imagine having thirty minutes just to think about your own restaurant? Or a middle school class I visited had six word memoirs posted up. It got me to wondering if I could be just as creative as these twelve year olds.

Each and every prompt made you think something; they got the wheels turning. Sure, a lot of times you sat there thinking, Oh not another writing assignment. It stunk when you’re not really into writing or you’re tired or it’s right before lunch and you’re really, really, hungry. But now, when work just seems to drag on and on, I would die for even ten minutes of time reserved for free writing. I feel like years of research papers and cover letter writing has slowly diluted my creative juices. Along with that, I don’t make the time to write creatively.

You need time and dedicated resources to keep your creativity flowing. I know that I need to carve out short but uninterrupted periods of time to write just for me. If I’m going to write what people want to read, I’m going to have to write things that I want to read. That’s why I going to start creating time and finding things to get back to my creative writing roots. Starting in March, I’ll give myself time for daydreaming and writing those day dreams down. I want to feel those creative juices flowing full force through my veins and out my fingertips. I’ll stop wondering how journaling and writing got so far away from my daily life and slowly reel them back in to be a daily occurrence.

Alright, end of my writing rant and time to start writing!

I am a teacher too

I am not posting Links to Love this Monday because I am still thinking about Friday’s tragedy in a small Connecticut elementary school. I have been thinking about the courage of the teachers and administrators of that school and the courage of the little kids who probably don’t even know what the word means. I am thinking of the first responders who’s bravery helped save so many lives that would have been lost. As I watch the news, I am thinking of myself too.

It sounds selfish but I am a teacher too. I went into school this morning to set up for another day that felt normal but it really wasn’t. I greeted 22 smiling and innocent faces who searched my room for their “elf on a shelf.” We counted Kwanzaa candles and found the rhymes in The Night Before Christmas. It was a normal day, only it wasn’t. I am immensely grateful that my children don’t know. Not one child mentioned the shooting today. Their childhood will be so different than the same kindergarten class in Connecticut and every time I saw their faces, even that time during a particularly bad temper tantrum at the reading station, I think how lucky we are to be here, in school and here with our friends and family.

My heart hurts to think of the teachers that protected their students. Even though I am sad, I know I would do the exact same thing. I would protect my students because, as a teacher, you love them. You want them to learn, to succeed, and to grow up to be the wonderful person you see inside that little body. So I am a teacher too and I know the love a teacher has for her students. I am sad that it actually happened, that a teacher had to protect her students, even though you knew she would. She is a hero and I’m proud to be a teacher and a faraway colleague.

I know I will go to school and think about Connecticut again tomorrow. I will look at the little sleepy faces around my carpet at morning meeting and try not to think about the tragedies that could happen today, tomorrow, some time in their lifetime. I will be thankful that those tragedies are not for this day. I will just be grateful and a little selfish that my classroom is here, my kids are here, I am here.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I scheduled this post  yesterday because I didn’t want to waste one single moment of one my favorite holidays. There are so many great things about this day but I found out from my kindergartners that it’s mostly about the food, especially carrots. Got to love hearing what the best part of anything is from a five year old. But for me, the food is just a bonus. I love getting to see my family, especially my grandparents, and catching up. I especially love watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. I love it so much I even figured out a way to write a paper about its history for college.

There is also such a great and simple message on this day: be grateful for all you have, large and small. We rush about our daily lives without thinking about all the things that are great. We tend to dwell on the things that don’t go our way or that get us down. Today we actually have a whole day to reflect on the many things that make life great and get a chance to feel thankful for it all. Here’s what I’m feeling thankful for on this very special day:

1. My family and friends. The special people in my life will always be at the top of my list of gratefulness. I feel very blessed to have a family and friends that have supported me through good times and bad. I have found myself especially blessed in the friends department as they are some of the sweetest, funniest, and sincerest friends a girl could ask for.

2. Having a job I love. While this job is finished come January, I am so grateful for this opportunity to get some experience and start my career. I am tired at the end of the day but I know I’ve given my 110 percent for this crazy bunch of kids. I love the projects we do, the conversations I have, and the big hugs I get right when I need them. Teaching isn’t for everyone but it’s definitely something I’m privileged to get to do.

3. My new home. Nick and I moved in together at the beginning of this month and, while I was uncertain about renting and signing off on a one year lease, it was the best decision we made. It’s so cozy and comfortable and it’s wonderful to come home to Nick each night. I can’t wait to share pictures on here soon!

4. The many things I take for granted. My car, food in the fridge, a closet full of beautiful clothes, the pair of Toms on my feet, sometimes I think I’m not as grateful as I need to be for the everyday things I take for granted. They’re just there but what if they weren’t? Living in NJ, a state so devastated by Hurricane Sandy, I have become even more thankful for the everyday things I have. Even electricity and heat is something I want to say thank you. There are so many things I can’t imagine my life without and the fact that I have them makes me so very grateful.

5. My loving boyfriend. A list of things to be thankful for would be meaningless without mentioning my fantastic boyfriend. He’s the rock I lean on and my biggest cheerleader. I’m thankful for finding someone so right and perfect for me.

Of course I would add that I’m thankful for this day, its silly traditions and delicious food. I hope that you all have a wonderful holiday!

Things from and Thinking about my Grandma

The last few days have been a whirlwind of settling in, unpacking and organizing, cleaning and stocking our new kitchen shelves. It seems so weird to be (finally) living in my very own place with the man I love. It’s only been a few days but it feels just right.

But this post is not about our big move; that’ll come soon. It’s about the unexpected feelings that came as I was packing up. There were the expected ones: uncertainty of what’s to come, sadness to leave my cozy home with my snuggly old dog, excitement about starting a new phase of my life. But I got the most warm and nostalgic feeling as I packed up my bathroom cabinet. What caused this feeling? Several containers of Pond’s cold cream. That’s right, cold cream filled me up with happiness and a tinge of sadness.

Cold cream always reminds of my grandma. My mom’s mom has always been the “grandma” because, even though you have two of them, there’s always the one who’s your favorite and defines what grandma means to you. She was a homemaker back when it was in fashion and was a motherly and caring figure even before she was married to my grandpa and started their family. She’s what inspires me to go after my dreams and be independent but also makes me proud of being a woman and having the incredible ability to change the world by caring for your family.

Seeing those jars of cold cream reminds me of how small gestures of love are the best kind. I have enough cold cream to last me until I’m 45 but every Christmas, Grandma sneaks one down into the foot of my stocking. Just like she wraps up a dried salami for my brother so he has a snack, it’s those same small gestures that lets us know that she will always care for us. That’s the best part of having a grandma. It’s that unconditional love that makes your life sweeter, better, and warmer.

Even though I am cramming them into the nooks and crannies of my small apartment bathroom, I love that I have that silly and caring gesture from the woman in my life I will always admire. All I can say is I hope there are many more jars to come.

My View: Who Are You Really?

Maybe it’s just me or the blogs I read but there’s been a lot of talk recently about having an authentic presence on the internet. There are those who are claiming that bloggers are not being open and honest while others are denouncing bloggers for sharing way too much personal information. Reading the back and forth and crazy cries of “be more authentic!” have made me think, on the internet, who are you really?

I have, by no means, achieved any sort of recognition for this little corner you’re visiting. This blog isn’t written for that. It’s my personal life and style blog, meaning I write it for me. Most bloggers would say the same. I even wrote in my first little about me blurb how the reader was entering my happy place. I do feel that a blog is a happy place, each is a written retreat for its author. Everyone says you should write for you, write to make you happy, and others will appreciate that.

Yet I’ve been stumbling across many, many posts on some of my favorite blogs that have talked about hurtful and mean commenters criticizing them for their beliefs, their lifestyle, or their looks. All of this has bothered me. To me, your blog is your blog. Whatever you choose to write is your choice. As a reader, I can agree or disagree but I don’t feel that it’s my right to personally attack you on your blog. I think it’s fair to thoughtfully and maturely state your opinions but I would never e-mail a person to say that she should change her content or that a person is being too happy and not “real” about life.

That’s the other thing that bothers me a lot: authenticity. I hear that word tossed about a lot in the blogging word, in the comments and in posts. What does it mean to be authentic? People have been torn apart across the internet for not being “real” because their blog is too happy, too polished, or their personal story is “too contrived.” I want to point out that this is the internet and unless you meet someone face-to-face you never really know them (and sometimes even being in the company of someone doesn’t allow you to know them). Take the blog for what it is: a blog. Some people want a space filled with sunshine and sparkly tiaras and others like grunge music and cats. That’s the person they are on the internet and that’s okay.

I myself struggle with this idea of authenticity: does my writing really express who I am? Am I creating a space that I like and that others will too? Do people connect with me? I am trying my hardest to push this out of my mind. I am who I am, here on my blog and in real life. I never believe in lying about yourself or your feelings and I try my hardest to express myself eloquently and in a real way. I want others to do the same: eloquently without personally attacking or criticizing someone for their part in the great big blog world. If you can’t, why don’t you clear out your blog reader of blogs that rub you the wrong way. Despite what we hear in this oversharing culture, nobody’s going to think less of you for not reading a blog and blasting your opinions at someone. I would thank you for disagreeing and moving on.

Authenticity will always be a touchy subject across the internet. Hiding behind the computer hides who we really are. It can make us bolder and it can make us better. I believe that it should make us kinder and allow us to be more completely ourselves, however we see ourselves, without fear of judgement. If you’re going to blast a blogger with negativity, think this way: would you really say this to their face? Would you be comfortable meeting a woman and pointing out how terrible you think her tattoos are? Or punish her for having a more money or co-sleeping with her baby? While I believe people have almost totally abandoned some manners, I like to believe that, without the anonymity of the internet, most people would not say these things. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it on the internet. Let people be who they are, free of judgment and keep the internet a happy place.

*images link to original source

My View: Where’s the Confidence?

Last week I think I read my ten millionth article about how my generation is overly confident, arrogant, and we don’t believe we need to work hard to get ahead. Okay, so maybe it wasn’t my ten millionth but that’s sure what it feels like. I’m getting more and more frustrated to read how us “kids” are obsessed with technology and getting things right now, unlike our parents who know the value of a hard day’s work.

Sure, I know a lot of people in my generation who aren’t willing to compromise and work their way up the ladder. There are those in every generation who feel entitled to being the manager before they’ve even begun. But those aren’t the ones I know well. I know the people who are working their butts off in a minimum wage job after graduating from a good college. I know people who are slaving away in a mid-level position even though they are more qualified just because the company only has to say “bad economy” and feel justified in underpaying their employees. I know myself, a girl who has always been confident in everything she does, doubting every application she submits and feeling like falling to pieces over a simple interview.

Where did my confidence go? When the economy took a big hit so did I. I had been used to working hard to do well and believed that hard work transformed into big things. Suddenly it felt like no matter how hard I worked, it didn’t make a difference. All that work means nothing when you’re battling against others who have been working just a year or two more than you. Every job posting receives tons of applications so why would they ever look at you? I finished a graduate program and during the final brunch celebration, we were told to expect that not everyone was going to get hired. How depressing. And this isn’t the first time I’m going out into the job pool; I did it after my undergraduate program and encountered the same problems and attitudes. With every application that disappears into that black online hole and every e-mail saying thanks but no thanks, my confidence in my ability to be a contributing member of society takes another hit.

These articles are wrong. Not everyone in this generation of 20-somethings feels entitled or confident. How can we feel confident when everyone tells us we don’t have enough experience but there isn’t anywhere to get it? The economy didn’t just hurt the working moms and dads and thirty year olds with 401k plans invested in plummeting stocks. It hurts us, the generation who started their adult lives at the worst possible time.

I hate writing a post that sounds so depressing but I want to let other people who are in this “arrogant” and “overly confident” and “entitled” generation know that it’s okay to feel like this. I’m working every day to tell myself that I am worth it, that I have worked hard enough to deserve that job. I am trying to reassure myself, however I can, that I am worth every job I apply for. If you feel the same way, just know that you’re not alone. You are amazing and things will be okay eventually. Don’t let them take your confidence away from you because that may be all we have right now.

Eight Things You Can Do Right Now To Feel Better

Some days you just feel blah. I definitely know that feeling now with the monotony of applying for jobs and more applying for jobs. You may feel that what you really need is a big change but honestly, it can only take doing something simple to get you back on track and feeling good. Or at least feeling slightly better.

1. Read a book: Always my go-to to feeling better. A story can be just the pick-me-up you need and escaping for a few moments into a book can feel like an instant refresher. An escape from reality may be all it takes to make you ready to take on the rest of the day. Stop what you’re doing for a few minutes and indulge in a few pages of your latest read, or a whole chapter. If you can’t stop, maybe use your lunch break to snack and read or put off cleaning up when you get home in favor of sipping wine and flipping pages.

2. Take a hot shower: there is nothing better for wiping away a stressful day than a hot and steamy shower. You’ll feel clean and refreshed once you step out like the blues never got to you in the first place.

3. Sit, run, walk outside: fresh air is the perfect medicine to make you feel better. I didn’t just say go for a run either; sometimes just sitting outside can calm you down and make everything feel alright in the world. Physically activity though is known to be a natural high and you might as well start looking good while you’re feeling good.

4. Watch a romantic comedy: movies are like a mini getaway for your mind. You can focus on someone else’s crazy life while putting yours on the back burner. My favorite type of movie to combat the blues is a romantic comedy. The perfect amount of laughs paired with everything-turns-out-great ending are perfect for turning my day around. Plan on having that movie night as soon as you get home with a treat and a couple of comfy pillows. I love watching When Harry Met Sally and 13 Going On 30.

5. Pamper yourself with beauty products: feel better by showing yourself some love in the time old tradition of “look good, feel good.” Something as simple as a face mask can make you feel like you’re worth it and push all those unhappy thoughts away. Even if you don’t have a lot of time, slather your best smelling moisturizer on your skin for a few moments to stop the rush of the day.

6. Make a small impulse buy: while you may be trying to save money for something big, sometimes parting with a little cash to make a happy purchase will ease your stress. Don’t think impulse buy like that extremely expensive handbag. While that’ll make you feel good in the moment, you’ll be feeling less stellar when you see the dent it makes in your savings. Instead stick to something small like a new nail polish, magazine, or cheap accessory from places like Forever 21 or H&M to brighten your day. It’s a way to feel a little rich and a little better without the damage to your wallet.

7. Write a letter to vent your thoughts: you may not be feeling so hot because you’re mad. You might be mad at something or someone and you can’t always let them know. Instead of letting those thoughts sink you, put pen to paper and get it all out. I guarantee once it’s done, you’ll be able to throw that letter out and move on.

8. Start a project that you’ve been putting off: nothing turns a day around more than a feeling of accomplishment. If you have the time, tackle something you’ve been putting off. Even a tiny step towards getting it done will make you feel like you’re going somewhere.

Feeling better means doing better by yourself. Take some time for you today and watch everything around you get better.